I've been thinking about my sister and this time in her life since Black Swan came out. Rest assured, she had a much more pleasant experience with her ballet career, and a far more graceful exit. I remember her leaving for New York on my very first day of high school, and how much changed on that day. I wouldn't trade a minute of my time in high school (though my fashion choices remain a mystery), but our experiences were so different. I mean, she took her SAT with Vanessa from the Cosby show. I'm pretty sure I ended up at Denny's with Sarah, Jim and Greg after mine.
I guess I just envy that she had that time in her life that was truly extraordinary. I wonder sometimes if there is still something in me that might make me special in that way. My fantasy WAS to write a critically-acclaimed novel, which Oprah would then put on her list (I love Oprah- I can't help it). I can't BELIEVE she's retiring. Now I have to come up with a new plan. Also, it's sort of unlikely that I would be able to write such a book, seeing as I lack the imagination, talent and tenacity. Also, I subscribe to US weekly, which doesn't seem very writerly.
What I do have are my own extraordinary moments, the ones that changed my life. The day Corbin first asked me out, just outside of the tower at UT. I was already sure about him, even then. The little moments I had with patients and their families in my brief career as a nurse- when you know that person has been stripped bare, is opening their true self to you. The morning I found out I was pregnant with Elena, and held on to that delicious secret all day before telling Corbin. The ultrasound that showed I was having twins, and the first time I held them and thought, "Oh God, now what?".
All I have ever really wanted was a happy home, but that is not such a simple thing. Many people who are wildly successful in other ways never have that, so I recognize my unbelievable luck. It is, in a way, extraordinary.
