This morning, I dropped off Laney and Jonah at school. Jonah greeted his teacher, took her hand, and followed her into the school, with a last wave and smile for me. One week ago, I was prying a screaming toddler away from my body, thrusting him at his teacher, and walking quickly away, tears running down my face. Certainly not a gold-star parenting moment.
I simply can't believe the change in Jonah over just one week. He clearly loves his new school, and his new teacher pretty much rocks. Ms. Peachey. I admit- her name makes me love her even more. I think all special educators are amazing, but Ms. Peachey is remarkable. Her ability to read children and support their needs is unbelievable. Last year, she wrote a grant to get her kids a second room filled with sensory equipment. If you've ever had the misfortune of writing grants, you know that it's a huge undertaking- something you wouldn't do unless you really cared. She also made sure that we spent a lot of time with her in the classroom before Jonah started the program. That has made all the difference, for Jonah and for me.
The adjustment has been hardest, I think, on me and Gabby. She keeps asking where everyone is (especially Jonah), and I'm like- hush up, you. I'm trying to hold it together! We are adjusting, again, to a new normal. I feel certain now that we made the right choice to go forward with this program, and I can already see doors opening for Jonah, big changes ahead. But, the truth is, I miss him like crazy. When I picked him up on Friday, he fussed about leaving. So, that's good- he obviously loves it there. But. Oh, you knew there was a "but". I'm worried about losing the strength of our connection, worried (if I'm being honest) about not being #1 anymore.
I know. There's no pleasing me, right? I want him to be happy and do well, not to cry when I take him to school in the morning. But, I still want him to miss me and to show that in some way. I'm trying to keep a lid on my crazy, but with limited success. What can I say? I am a flawed human being.
Anyway, things are good. Jonah's teachers feel that he'll catch up with no problems, and be ready for kindergarten when he's 5. Magic words. All in all, we're just Peachey (oh, come on, I HAD to do it).
My take on it is the reason he is able to go forth so confidently into that classroom is BECAUSE the secure attachment he has with you (reading a lot on attachment right now :) ) He knows you have 'approved' of Ms. Peachey and so he can go there and know that you'll still be there to pick him up and you're still number 1. Promise.
ReplyDeleteSO GLAD he is having a good week and no more tears for you when you are leaving him.
PS Now you kids GET OFF THAT SHED! (did you look it up?)
You will always be mom. There's no replacing that. Ever. You can make it all better, you were the first person to love him & you'll always be there for him. That's why it's the best job in the world.
ReplyDeleteI still get sad sometimes leaving for work, knowing that I'm not going to be with them. I feel lost sometimes when I am somehow running errands alone instead of with them. I think it's ok to still get a little teary about dropping him off. He's your little boy!
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